The Words That Create
What do you say to yourself when you’re tired? When you’re worried? When you’re impatient? What do you say out loud?
One of the books that really helped me when I was first getting clean was The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s a very simple, digestible book that talks about how to live one’s life in a way that promotes peace.
The first agreement is “Be Impeccable with Your Word.” When I first read this sentence I thought it meant just being reliable, doing what you say you’re going to do, which, as the “doer” and “fixer” I thought well this is going to be easy. But what the chapter really delved into was the power of words. The fact that words can change the way we think, the way we feel, and the way we see things. Words literally form our reality.
When I think of how I used to speak to myself and how repetitive and pernicious the sentences were, it’s no wonder that drugs and alcohol seemed to be the best and easiest solution to forget and distance myself from the harsh environment of my mind. There seemed to be no escape unless I was intoxicated.
But in the morning the words would come flying in as if on cue, like angry neighbors that’d been knocking and ignored all night because I’d turned the music up to the highest, most obnoxious volume possible. And in the ringing hollow of morning, their knocks were louder than ever. Even without opening the door, I could hear everything they were saying. All the taunts, the jeers, the practiced verses of not enough.
This was the broken record of my life for a long time. It didn’t matter what I did on the outside, because my inner landscape never changed. The reality that I lived remained the same as long as I played the same tune over and over again.
The idea that I could change the music was what changed everything. I could change the artist, the album, the genre, the lyrics, the mood. The realization that even if I couldn’t turn the music off completely, because sometimes our thoughts just want to keep going - and that’s okay - I could still adjust the volume. I could choose how much attention I paid to it, and I could change the record whenever I liked.
The words we say to ourselves matter. The words we say out loud matter. Every time we say we’re going to do something, and we do it, we teach ourselves we are trustworthy. Every time we start to say something damaging, hurtful or unkind to ourselves, and instead choose something softer, more understanding, and more loving, we show ourselves that we’re able to take care of not just what’s outside of us, but inside of us too.
It’s easy for a lot of us to keep our word to other people. It’s easy for a lot of us to be kind to other people. Forgiving. We don’t want to let them down. We don’t want them to feel the uncomfortable feelings of shame, guilt, sadness or fear. And yet when it comes to ourselves, it’s somehow so much harder to give ourselves the same grace, space, and love.
Notice what you say to yourself, in the moments you are tired. Notice what you say out loud, in the moments that you’re scared. Notice what you say, when you don’t want to seem weak.
Become aware of what you can say to yourself, to bring you more energy. Become aware of what you can say out loud, in the moments you need courage. Become aware of what you say, when you know your own strength.
Words are important. Words create our reality. It’s your words. It’s your choice.
It’s your life.
