Life After Rehab: Q&A with Brian Schumacher

When Brian first came to me, he had just left treatment for fentanyl and meth addiction. Left to pick up the pieces and what felt like starting his life all over again, he wasn’t sure where he stood, what he had left to look forward to, or how to deal with his debilitating anxiety and depression.

He joined my 12-week coaching program, and this is his account of what he experienced.

What were the specific problems or struggles that you were having before you started working with me? 

“Main thing was self-esteem. I felt like I couldn’t see a future at all. I felt worthless. Like things weren’t ever going to look up. It was like I was at the end of my life and didn’t have anything good coming again. And just wasn’t feeling good enough for anybody, to have any type of relationship. I had just gotten out of treatment and lost a really good paying job. I had to take a lower means job, it degraded me quite a bit. I was at the bottom end of things, working with derelicts and drug addicts.”

What were you experiencing that you didn’t want to be experiencing anymore?

“I felt a lot of guilt for putting my family in that situation. That I’d caused so many people harm. I felt a lot of shame around my son and past relationships.” 

What were you dealing with at the time? What did your life look like?

“I was just sleeping a lot, malnourished. It was hard to look anyone in the eye. I felt empty.”

How did you define yourself? 

“I couldn’t define myself at all, because I didn’t feel like I was anything.”

What kinds of things were you saying to yourself at the time? What was your self-talk like?

“Real resentful and shaming, beat myself up a lot about things I did. I would just tell myself how much I’d let everybody down and let myself down, doing the same actions over and over again. That it wasn’t really worth trying anymore. That it was alright to just sit there and procrastinate and not do anything with my life.”

How long had you been dealing with this before we started working together? What do you think was the problem preventing you from solving it?

“I’d been dealing with addiction for about 20 years. I didn’t drink or use for 4.5 years. Started drinking again in 2019. In 2021 was when the drinking really started taking a toll, I could feel my mental health decline. I started using again to help cope, started losing relationships. In March 2023 I lost my job. 

Looking back I think my biggest problem was my unwillingness to suffer, to sacrifice some things for a little bit to make things better.” 

Where are you feeling progress now in your life that you weren’t before?

“I’m definitely feeling more at peace. I’m learning how to be better to myself and I’m not beating myself up like I used to. I’m good with where I’m at. I feel like I have the fight back in me to overcome stuff, rather than just being lazy and letting life beat me up.”

What do you think has caused this shift?

“It’s helped a lot just being able to have some honest talks with you, coming to realization of where my life is actually at and what I’ve gone through. Your encouragement and reminding me to not take for granted the small things I’m doing. Teaching me I’ve made mistakes but I don’t have to live inside of that. 

Having you try to understand the way I'm feeling or how I’m looking at something, and not just tell me things like other people have done. You take time to understand how I’m feeling, why I’m feeling, rather than making assumptions. It’s not common to have someone take the time to ask the right questions to make sure they understand and not make me feel like I’m wrong for feeling the way I feel. And just doing the small assignments each week, doing things a little bit different. Listening to your meditations calmed my mind down.” 

What do you think you’re doing more consistently? What are you opening up to, what are you experiencing deeper? 

“Mindful activities, making sure that I’m not just letting depression take over my social life or life outside of work. I’m more open to expressing myself, explaining my feelings a little bit more, being able to communicate myself better. Experiencing acceptance, internal acceptance, not harassing myself about things that I’ve done or am not doing.” 

Based on what you’re doing then how is that making you feel?

“More energetic, positive, more hopeful.”

How do you define yourself now?

“Little bit more honorable, deserving.”

What does your life look like now? What’s different?

“I feel motivation, hope, passion. My self-talk and the tone of my inner dialogue is different - I’d say it’s optimistic and supportive now. You took the time to understand the things I was feeling, able to give me back honest answers and put me out to a direction that was easy for me to do. You understood my personality and where I was coming from and you helped me make small shifts in my thinking that weren't too abrupt or hard to stomach.”

What’s the ripple effect of all of this? How are the other people in your life starting to benefit from all this work that you’ve done on yourself?

“I feel like conversations are easier now. I don’t feel like I’m being interrogated by people around me anymore. It’s like they trust me more, they are more understanding, and I don’t have to shy away like I used to. I set boundaries more. I don’t let people talk to me a certain way or disrespect me. I feel like I’m not as codependent on other people, I don’t look for other people’s validation as much. You’ve been able to help me believe the things that I’ve done don’t deserve those outcomes. I’m more checked in, and feel I’m more deserving of my son’s time. I feel like a good enough person, like I deserve to have that relationship with him. You helped me get over the fear of not being able to find somebody new, and feeling stuck on past things where I felt like I messed up and I wasn't able to earn new things in life. My perspective is better - you made me comfortable to be myself and talk to people more honestly. Talking to you as a woman made it more comfortable to talk to other women, and helped me understand a woman’s perspective.

Overall it was a lot more comfortable than I expected it to be and I was able to become more in depth, allow myself to be more vulnerable with other people. It was nice to have something to be accountable to and look forward to. Knowing I could invest some time and that it would be something. I built more trust in myself to be able to complete tasks. More strength to go do things. You helped me get back the ability to have faith in myself.”

Brian Schumacher is an existing client that participated in my 12-week coaching program and is currently still active in monthly sessions.

For more information on working with me, book a free consultation and let’s talk about moving you towards the lasting changes and life you want, right now.